Hey, everyone! Dexter J. Daley here. Welcome to my super-awesome-gummy-bear-sweetness, Cheesy-Doodle-crunchiness, birthday-bash-bonanza! We have all the unhealthy snacks and yummy treats you could want. I won’t tell Sloane if you won’t. Where’s Sloane? Getting ready for a different kind of birthday party, if you know what I mean. *wink wink* Oh, you don’t know what I mean? Sexy times, man. Sexy times. No you’re not invited. Pervs. Me? I am not a perv. Oh my God, the van incident was not my fault. One time. It was one time and I’m branded a perv for life.
All right, let’s crank up the music and get this party started. Sing along. I know you want to. Don’t act like you don’t love this. What’s that? Def Leppard? No, you may not play Pour Some Sugar on Me. Get your head out of the gutter. That song is for me and my sexy grumpy pants.
That animated guy dancing in the video, that’s what Ash dances like. Ha! Kidding. Don’t tell him I said that. But serious, how much would you pay to see Ash dance like that? I wouldn’t go as far as saying I’d sell my precious Challenger, but I’d be temped. So, obviously I’m a fan of the eighties. Obsessed? Hahaha. Shut your mouth. Ha! Kidding. But seriously, I’m not obsessed. I don’t wear like legwarmers under my uniform or a sweatband under my tactical helmet. There is physical photographic evidence of Sloane and Ash in their teenage years, and I’ve made it my life’s mission to find these images.
Back to the party! Now, normally I have a pre-birthday-party party because who just celebrates their birthday on one day? Okay, well, I like to get a head start. Some cake, karaoke, good food, good company, and I guess Ash too. I’ve always had pre-birthday-party parties. Ever since I was a kid. Usually we’d have sleepovers at home. Tony would make cakes and cookies, and it was BYOC (bring your own candy) which we’d hide in our pillows until my dad went to bed and we were all pretending we were asleep. Then we’d wake up and eat candy until we were sick. I know what you’re thinking, “but you dad’s an agent, how did you get away with it?”. Clearly you underestimate the deceptive powers of an eleven year old.
Poor Cael. He’d be so wired on candy that he’d end up falling asleep in weird places, like in the kitchen sink after managing to climb up there, in the bathtub, under dad’s bed, the laundry basket. Then dad would find him and Cael would have a sugar hangover, whimpering and needing to be carried everywhere because his tummy was ready to “esplode”. He’d sleep the rest of the day and I’d get grounded for a day but it was totally worth it! There was the one birthday where we converted the stairs into a Slip N’ Slide. Yeah, not my brightest idea. In my defense, I put pillows at the end so no one would end up flying into a wall. There was the tiny detail about where the water was going to go. The answer to that? The basement, and um, dad’s office. Yeah, he took over party planning after that.
I’m going to lay a little birthday party knowledge on you. Here are a few tips on what not to do at your birthday party:
- Do not fill your Super Soaker with Kool Aid. Parents will not see the fun in this, even if it means shooting and getting shot at becomes tastier.
- Do not replace the candy from the piñata with gummy bears and then throw yourself under said piñata when the strings get pulled. This is not only a choking hazard, but will lead to a stampeding feeding frenzy. Again, parents will not appreciate their child being trampled for floor strewn gummy bears. The five second rule totally applies.
- Do not convince your cheetah Therian little brother to shift during your party and try to play tape the tail on the cheetah because not only will your little brother leave everyone eating his dust, he will throw a total hissy fit and steal your presents. There’s no catching him so kiss that new action figure goodbye. It’s his now. He will stash it away like a squirrel burying an acorn. Also, he eats even more in his cheetah Therian form so half your snacks are now his.
- Do not attempt to play Hide & Seek while said chirping little furball is in his Therian form. You will never win, which means you will always be it and it suuuuucks.
- Do not tell your dad you’re inviting just a few friends to your pizza party and then get the art department to put up a banner at school. I’m still receiving pizza bills from Tony.
Okay, I spilled now it’s your turn! What’s your fondest birthday memory?
Giveaway is open Internationally.
Ends Tuesday August 25th at midnight (Eastern US time). Winners will be chosen at random and posted here on the blog.
To enter: Just leave a comment below.
Character Art Card Sets! We two sets for each winner, one with the individual character collector cards and one set with the couples.
I’ll be giving away 10 sets! (click for larger image)
1 x – Calvin & Hobbs, THIRDS Hearts Chain (click for larger image)
1 x – Seb & Hudson, THIRDS Hearts Chain (click for larger image)
1 x – Dex & Sloane, THIRDS Hearts Chain (click for larger image)
3 x $10 Amazon Gift Cards
5 x Destructive Delta grocery/tote bags